There are several major events that take place in one’s life: losing your first tooth, marriage, child birth, sending your first born off to college. (We shall refer to this latter unpleasant event as the Event Which Shall Not Be Named or the EWSNBN.) At this very minute, I’m on the road looking at a college that is in a galaxy far, far away. It’s sort of like that other life event when you put your child on the school bus for the first time… ONLY ABOUT A GAZILLION TIMES WORSE!
Okay, I can deal with distance. This is the south (U.S.) and I love southern fiction, so what's not to love about sending my child off to Georgia? So long as I know she has food and safe shelter, it'll be fine, right?
I knew I was not in Kansas any more, (er, Virginia), when in the first housing option, we encountered our first Palmetto bug. I believe the phrase, “sweet cheese and pickles, look at the size of that roach!” might have passed my lips. The realtor tried to brush away my concerns. “No, that’s not a roach. That’s a Palmetto bug.” For anyone who has never seen a Palmetto bug, let me give you a little visual aid to clarify.
Yeah. “HUGE” doesn’t begin to describe it. But according to Orkin.com, a palmetto bug IS a roach. A big, monster, twice-the-size-of-anything-I’ve-ever-seen-before cockroach. I’m still not quite clear on this, so if someone can put my fears to rest, please leave a comment. I’m contemplating sending my first-born to live in a house possibly inhabited by the I’m-not-really-a-cockroach Palmetto bug. It would be nice to know if I need to send her out for fumigation before she comes back into our home at Christmas time.
Okay, so shelter is unresolved. So on to the next question: how will the child feed herself? Why, the Piggly Wiggly, of course. For those of you not familiar with this fine southern institution, it’s a grocery store chain. For real! We don’t have Piggly Wigglys at home, so when I heard the chain referenced in the movie, DRIVING MISS DAISY, I thought it was a made-up grocery store. But nope. It’s for real – and very nice, I should add – considering I’ve prefaced this with talk of the Palmetto bug. I’m not sure why the existence of the Piggly Wiggly as a real place rather than make-believe has taken me off-guard. Maybe it struck me as surreal, because this whole EWSNBN seems pretty surreal. But you have to admit, it’s a pretty funny name for a grocery store chain.
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I know, I know, it’s only 9 hours away. The kid will be fine. She knows how to get to the nearest Piggly Wiggly, and she won’t be lonely. She’ll have the Palmetto bug to keep her company. (Seriously, she could put this thing on a leash and keep it as a pet.) And I have a good Classic and Cozy novel to take my mind off of this latest life event, the EWSNBN. (Thank you, Christine Bush. Your latest novel, CINDY'S PRINCE is yummy!)
To read and laugh along with a fictious series of life events, (and a yummy May-December romance), you also may want to check out the antics of Felicity Quinn in KEEPING UP WITH MR. JONES. Now, that woman's life is a mess!
Super mom, Felicity Quinn, has built a dream life in a gated community, with manicured lawns, all the amenities, soaring home values... skyrocketing HOA fees and Draconian restrictions.
Unfortunately, everything she thought she wanted is unraveling at the seams. Her oldest child is a pot head, her teenage daughter dresses like a hooker and her youngest has a penchant for killing small animals. When her husband calls home to announce that he is leaving her for his office assistant, Felicity thinks things can not get much worse...
...Until she bumps into her eccentric neighbor, Mr. Jones... with her car. Out of a sense of responsibility, Felicity takes it upon herself to care for Mr. Jones during his recovery. But what woman half his age could expect to keep up with Mr. Jones?