It can’t be an accident that my blogging date this month is also my wedding anniversary. And it just seems that a romance writer who’s been married for 21 years ought to have something to say about what makes a lasting marriage.
After some thought, I've decided that
the secret, which sounds bone-stupid at first, is time.Obviously,
a 21-year anniversary means we've stuck together for 21 years. But
time, in a relationship, comes in many forms. Here's what I
- Time spent together. Right,
another no-brainer. But sometimes, when life gets busy, we can forget
to simply be companions to each other. That night you set aside to go
out to dinner may not go as planned. Then that unplanned hour you
find yourselves together in the car, running pain-in-the-neck
errands, can turn into a highlight of the week. Especially if you
allow yourselves time to make an unscheduled stop at Starbucks for a
drink, or McDonald’s for a hot fudge sundae.
- Time spent
apart. I’m not talking long separations here. But doing a few
things separately gives us individual experiences – something to
talk about, to compare notes, to catch up on.
- Time to get to know each
other. In romance novels, couples are often ready to get married days after they
meet. The romantic
side of us loves the idea of falling in love in a whirlwind courtship
and getting married while we’re still dizzy. And of course, as writers we can be confident these two were truly made for each other -- because we made them that way! But these days, when
divorce can be seen as such an “easy out,” I don’t think most couples would weather the storms ahead long enough to see what’s
waiting on the other side. If getting married is really a good idea
after a week, it won’t stop being a good idea after several
- Good times … and bad times. Realize that there
WILL be storms to be weathered: accidents, illnesses, financial
setbacks. The challenges (and sleep deprivation) of learning to be
new parents. The challenges (and sleep deprivation) of raising teens.
The reward of turning around and seeing those teens turn into really
Compared to some people with long
marriages, my husband and I are rookies at just 21 years. We started
late enough that I don't know if we'll see our golden anniversary,
but I hope for another 21 years at the least!
Happy anniversary, sweetie.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Lasting Love by Sierra Donovan
Sierra Donovan is a wife, a mother of two and a writer, though not always in that order. Her greatest joy is helping people find true love on the printed page. She believes in classic movies, Christmas, happy endings, and the healing power of chocolate. Sierra's first novel, LOVE ON THE AIR, was a Holt Medallion finalist. Her Kensington debut, NO CHRISTMAS LIKE THE PRESENT, won the Golden Quill for Sweet Traditional Romance. Her series of Evergreen Lane novels begins with DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA?, a finalist for the SnowGlobe Award. The series continues with her latest romance, WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS.