by Janis Susan May/Janis Patterson
Mysteries are not strange and wonderful that happen mainly in books. I run into them every day, and haven’t been able to solve most of them.
For example, there is the Case of the Vanishing Apricots. I love apricots, but only a small amount of fresh ones are available in the stores, and for only a short time. And, unfortunately, usually for a horrendously high price. Some canned ones – usually in heavy syrup, which I don’t like – are available, but the kind I really liked – packed in plastic jars in pure fruit juice – have disappeared from the shelves and I can’t order any. Apricot pie filling, my favorite for years, vanished at least two decades ago. Am I the only person left on the planet who prefers apricot pies to the ubiquitous and usually tasteless apple?
Or consider the Case of the Absolute Impossibility of Opening a Cardboard Package by pushing where it says ‘Press Here To Open’? I’ve found it’s easier to start out with a screwdriver and a claw hammer. It’s just quicker. And kinder to your fingernails.
Then there’s the Curse of the Magic Nail Polish. Every time I go for a pedicure I try to pick the same color. I’m a sucker for red toe nails. Can’t explain it, but just love them. My salon has probably half a wall of varying shades of nail polish – everything from a brilliant blue to beige to the darkish taupe one sees on the nails of decomposing corpses. There’s yellow and merlot and several glittery shades. There’s even a red or two – but never the same one twice. And the color I choose always changes from the bottle to my toes. My last visit I swear I chose a brilliant pure red, I thought, but by the time I got home it had morphed into an acid pink. Sigh. Pink’s nice too – and easier than going back to the salon earlier than I have to!
For that matter, how can we search for some lost item for hours, then finally decide to use/take/wear something else, then return to find the thing we wanted to find originally in the middle of a big empty space where we know we hunted several times before?
Lastly (for this list, at least) is the Mystery of the Single TV Show. We all get caught in viewing patterns; either it’s a show we really like, or the Spouse likes, and that pretty much kills watching anything else in that time slot. Sometimes, however, something happens and we are able to tune in to another program that looks interesting. Sometimes this even happens twice – but it seems that when we can watch the other show, it’s always the same episode. Every. Single. Time.
Sigh. Mysteries are so much easier to solve when I make them up!