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Monday, October 27, 2014

For Better or Worse by Fran McNabb


            Who doesn’t like to read about love? Since many of the authors on this loop are romance writers and many of our readers love romance, I chose a topic today that I think we can all relate to. 

            When couples marry, they have the best of intentions. They are in love. They want to be with each other every minute of the day and night. They want to make the other person happy. “New love” is wonderful and exhilarating, but time has a way of stripping away the excitement in a marriage. The wonder and exhilaration fades and slowly turns to quiet familiarity. Good marriages with couples who are truly in love settle into this familiarity and enjoy life as each year turns into the next.
 
            But what happens when one of the partners becomes ill. Illnesses like cancer and Alzheimer take away the joys that couples work for in marriages. These illnesses have a way of turning life upside down, inside out, and stretching patience and physical abilities to the limits.

            Several of our friends are dealing with horrible illnesses in their marriages. Their lives are continuing, but the normalcy in those lives is gone. Life revolves around doctor appointments, medicines, chemo, and uncertain futures. Life isn’t easy, but when love is present, couples accept and give to the other.

             We recently had company from an old classmate and his wife who has Alzheimer.  The love I witnessed warmed my heart. She still clings to him as her remembered love, but she also needs him as her caregiver. Life is not easy for either of them. She knows her condition is making life difficult for him, but he seems never to complain. Instead he goes about the daily chore of taking care of her needs, both physical and emotional. Watching the two of them is a testimony of what real love involves.

             When couples say the words “for better or worse,” I’m sure the “worse” is not what they expect, but it can happen and does happen all too many times. My husband and I said the words over forty-four years ago and so far we have been blessed. We haven’t had to deal with horrible medical situations like some of our friends have.

            Love is such a strong emotion, and for couples who are facing a life with a sick mate, I pray that their love is strong enough to help find the light during their darkest days. Young love is a wonderful thing, but what we’ll call “old love” is even more wonderful. Sitting next to a partner in a
doctor’s waiting room, holding hands to give the other support, or simply sitting quietly on a porch taking in the last rays of sunlight and remembering easier times—these may not be exciting moments, but they are wonderful moments that show the love and support that the words “for better or worse” mean.

Fran McNabb grew up on the Gulf Coast and now lives on a quiet bayou harbor with her husband. They love to spend time on the water fishing and visiting the nearby islands or traveling to see their two sons and grandsons. Visit Fran at www.FranMcNabb.com or write to her at mcnabbf@bellsouth.net.

12 comments:

  1. So much truth in your post, Fran. Now that I'm in my twilight years,I'm seeing many of my friends growing closer, not only in love, but in their need for each other.

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    1. Loretta, thanks for stopping in. Yes, that's why I chose the subject. So many of our friends are now caregivers.

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  2. So true, Fran. Happily ever after doesn't necessarily mean every minute of every day. In the best love stories, love grows stronger in overcoming the unhappy moments together. Nice reminder. Congratulations on those 44 years.

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  3. Yes, Sandy, I agree. I think young people think life should be a bed or roses, but we all know that marriage has to include everything, bad times included.

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  4. Hi Fran--
    Congratulations to you and your hubby on 44 years! I can imagine how difficult it is to care for an ill spouse. You are right about being blessed to have a spouse that is there for you though everything.
    Victoria--

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    1. Victoria, it really is a blessing when a spouse is there when the "worse" appears. Thanks for stopping by.

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  5. A lovely post Fran, and every word of it so true. May you continue to be blessed.

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    1. Good morning, Sheila. You're an early bird too! Thanks for stopping by.

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  6. That's a lovely post, Fran. I watched my Mom become my Dad's caretaker for the last ten years of his life. It was both inspiring and heart-breaking.

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    1. I know what you went through. I watched my Mom take care of my Dad until a nurse from ICU insisted that she put him in a care facility. It was literally killing my mother but she would've never made that decision on her own. Ten years is a lot to watch someone do it. I'm sure your Mom is a wonderful person.

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  7. Very thoughtful post, Fran. Sorry I'm a day late. My neighbor is going through something like this wither husband. A few years ago they discoverd he had MS and only 4 months after he retired, he had a stroke. She is adjusting to the role of care-giver and I try to drag her out every Saturday for lunch just to let her have some peace.

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    1. Kathye, taking your neighbor out for a little while away from her problems is a wonderful thing for you to do. She's lucky to have you for a friend.

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