Favorite Old Movies

          These days we all have concerns about identity theft.  As a senior and regular Facebook user, I’m statistically a target. My son, who left FB ages ago but knows me well, warns me about filling out one of those on-line surveys about favorite foods, first pet or the name of the street I grew up on.  He says it will make me a target of hackers.  The survey questions are usually the same ones (along with my mother’s maiden name) that are security questions to unlock our credit card accounts.  It’s not hard to understand why some hacker would come up with such a diabolical plan. But it won’t happen to me.  I still don’t know how to cut and paste on FB and now that I know how dangerous it is to respond to such surveys, I’ll never learn and thus won’t be able to participate.  (And note to all my friends who ask me to do it, maybe you shouldn’t be participating either.)

But back to the surveys, they can be interesting.  I don’t mean the ones that ask the name of your first pet or your first grade teacher, but surveys that focus on favorite restaurants, vacation spots, beaches and movies.  Movie lists are always interesting.  My list of favorites usually is made up of romantic comedies. I guess as a romance writer, that shouldn’t come as any surprise.  In no particular order, my top movies would be Love with a Proper Stranger, Barefoot in the Park, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Guess Who’s Coming for Dinner, Gigi, Love Actually, My Fair Lady, and any movie written and produced by John Hughes. I’m always on the look out for good ones to watch. I know there are movies out there that I haven’t seen and don’t know about and will love as much as the aforementioned. I’ve since discovered in the age of Google, such lists are easy to find and, in the process of procrastinating and avoiding writing this blog, I found one that lists the top 50 romantic comedies of all time. 

I’ve seen a lot of them, was happy to be reminded of some, and intend to make it my goal to see the rest.  Interestingly, there are several really old movies that are still on the list and several newer ones, such as Pretty Woman, that are not.  Pretty Woman, unfortunately, along with Bull Durham and Officer and a Gentleman, was once in my top three, but time moves on. Also on the list were several that seem to be there for sentimental reasons.  I will always opt for a Cary Grant movie over most others, and he’s represented with three, all great—of course I’ve seen them—and in the top 15, but I really wonder if Charlie Chaplin’s City Lightsshould be included.  I guess I’ll have to watch it to find out.  Fortunately, with Netflix that’s not hard to do. 

I’m ready to line up my choices and settle in front of the TV to watch them.  Waitresssounds intriguing and it’s been a long time since I saw It Happened One Night.  Now all I need is a quiet night without my husband. He’d never want to watch any of these. He’s more of a History Channel guy.

But back to those surveys, are my choices of movies predictable? Probably.  And my husband’s choices probably are too.  I can’t believe I’m the only woman married to a man who would rather watch the History Channel than catch up with Grey’s Anatomy.  Just as a footnote, in our house, we watch what I call, Compromise TV, i.e. NCIS, Chicago PD and The Americans, the latter because it’s simply excellent.  Seriously, I’m curious about what everyone else watches or wants to watch—and not because I’m going to hack you. 

Facebook and Recipes

Anyone who is Facebook friends with me knows I post a lot of recipes.

One reason is that I like to entertain and am always imagining my next dinner party and wondering what to serve. But recipes were also my entrée into cooking. It’s only through recipes and cookbooks that I ever learned to cook.

            Back in my twenties, when I was single and living in Manhattan, I didn’t have a clue.  My mother cooked, but I wasn’t particularly close to her.  I never watched what she did, and I was so immature that I would not give her the satisfaction of asking her any questions about what she made.  I figured she didn’t know what she was doing and assumed if I wanted to know how to cook I’d have to figure it out myself.  To that end I bought I Hate to Cook by Peg Bracken.  In fact, I still have it in all it’s broken binding and torn cover glory, along with dozens of other cookbooks that I’ve acquired since.  But I Hate to Cook holds a special place in my heart and when Peg died last year, I felt as if I lost a close friend. 

This little paperback was the perfect introduction to cooking.  The recipes were simple, her instructions thorough, and her commentary funny and irreverent.  Most significantly though, her book made cooking seem easy.  Thanks to her I didn’t hesitate hosting my first dinner party in my sixth floor walk up railroad flat on the upper eastside.  I don’t remember the party except that I made Peg’s lasagna but I’m guessing it was a success because I’ve been hosting dinner parties ever since.

            From Peg Bracken I discovered Marcella Hazen, whose death last year I also mourned, and then onto Julia Child and Gourmet Magazine.  I learned about fine cooking and how to make the perfect beef bourguignon, leg of lamb, coq au vin and scads of other recipes.  But it was Peg who launched me and it was Peg’s recipes that I used during law school when I’d host a crowd in my Brooklyn Heights studio.  It was Peg who made me fearless, reminding me that as long as you provide your guests with something to drink and good company, the party will be a success.

            So it’s Peg that started me collecting recipes, always imagining the next dinner party, thinking of who to mix with whom, and what would be easy to serve so I could enjoy my guests instead of toiling away in the kitchen.  Her advice was invaluable and, at least for me, has made entertaining something that I enjoy doing instead of thinking of it as daunting or an obligation.

            Thanks to her I discovered that cooking is just the first step to sitting down to a meal with family and friends and one of life’s great pleasures. It’s not the actual eating or even the food that’s primary, but the conversations and interactions that take place while eating.  This is true at any meal, but more so at dinner parties. And it’s possible that sharing recipes on Facebook is my homage to Peg Bracken and will inspire another novice cook to host their first dinner party.

Coming Clean

by Janis Patterson

There’s a cute picture going around Facebook showing an overflowing laundry basket and the caption is something like “I’ve solved the mystery of the ever-full laundry basket – there must be people living here whom I’ve never met.”

It would be funnier if it weren’t too close to true. Our laundry basket is an enormous wicker basket which in another house in another decade held a decent-sized potted ficus tree. When we moved, the tree itself was given to a neighbor who actually wanted the thing (if I’d known he wanted it I would have given it to him long ago!) and I lined the basket for use as a laundry basket. It was big enough that I thought it would hold a week or more’s laundry without a problem.

Wrong.

The basket has a new name. According to The Husband, it is the Magic Laundry Basket. According to me, it is the Cursed Laundry Basket. I can do a laundry that totally empties the basket one day and the next it is brimming again. I’d swear The Husband must change clothes half-a-dozen times a day, but as I see him regularly I know that’s not true. As I work at home, more often than not I end up wearing my jammies all day long unless I have some place to go, and that is rare.

So where do all these clothes come from? If I had the money and the expertise, I would put GPS trackers on them just to find out where they go and what they have been doing… and with whom.

Another problem is facial tissues. You know, like Kle… those tissues with the name that’s copyrighted and we’re not supposed to use, but let’s face it – a facial tissue by any name is a laundry menace. Like a good wife I go through The Husband’s pockets when sorting the wash, where I find a fair number of wadded up tissues. Those are disposed of and explained easily; other things seem to have no explanation. There are coins, of course, which I promptly confiscate and put in my own private rathole bank. Every year or two I’ve saved enough to take us out for a fairly nice dinner as a special, unexpected treat. Less felicitous finds are a drill bit (he is not in the least handy), an Allen wrench, all kinds of indecipherable notes scribbled on odd scraps of paper, mints and empty mint wrappers, odd little chunks of metal that have no identifiable purpose, once in a rare while a loose key… you know, the kind of detritus that is both commonplace and unexplainable.

At least we had no children. Girls are notorious for leaving cosmetics and candy in pockets, and boys… oh, law, what don’t they leave in pockets, including things like beetles and frogs that are still living. Or not. Ick!

I try to practice what I preach. I have a box of facial tissues on my desk and by my seat on the couch in the TV room – and a wastebasket close by each. None ever go into a pocket. For any other situation, I use handkerchiefs. Yes, old fashioned fabric handkerchiefs. Hankies. Not because I am a swooning romantic, or because I occasionally write historical romance, or because I am a fussy old lady (those of you who know me well BE QUIET!), but because if you leave a hankie in your pocket, after it comes out of the wash you only have a knotted lump of fabric, still in that same pocket. A tissue… well, you have little bits of tissue ‘dandruff’ over everything and anything, and it can take a wash or two to get rid of it. Either that or a long, boring time spent with a lint brush or strips of tape.

My beloved mother-in-law and sister-in-law, truly two of God’s blessings on me, jumped for joy when they found I liked handkerchiefs. I will admit that I am picky and hard to buy for, so they delight in finding me handkerchiefs. My last birthday I received eight exquisite lace/drawn work/embroidered antique hankies, all handmade in Europe and in perfect condition. They are so gorgeous I am going to have to force myself to use them; I’ve already decided that they will be held back for special occasions only. Normally hankies live a hard life with me, but I don’t worry about running out – thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I have enough hankies to last me at least two lifetimes.

And none will ever pill up and leave little white bits all over a load of laundry!

Social Media

When it comes to Facebook, the world seems to be divided into two camps: those who love it and those who think it’s an intrusive time-waster. I’m of the former group.  I love Facebook fun, think it’s diverting and a great way to connect with people and find out what they’re thinking about any issue.  It’s also a wonderful source of recipes if you’re friends with me, but more on that later.

A few years ago I went to my high school reunion.  For the most part we women (I went to an all girls school), hadn’t seen each other in over forty years.  The reunion was a great success.  We all spoke to old friends, made new ones and tearfully (in a good way) shared memories and remembered those no longer with us. 

When the reunion was over many of us “friended” each other on Facebook.  By doing so, we continue to be in touch.  Now, when I have a new book coming out, have a book that’s being promoted, or write a blog, these old and new friends from high school are the first ones to like and share my page and urge others to read the blog or the book.  More significantly, they’re also the ones who reach out when someone is sick or in need.  A grandchild needs a specialist?  My classmates and I are on the problem and making it our own to solve.  Someone is sick and needs prayers and good thoughts?  We’re there for that too. Because of that reunion I’ve acquired new friends and Facebook has kept those friendships alive.

Facebook also helps me with keep up with our large and widespread family.  As I’ve posted before, I am part of a very large family. My children have 30 first cousins.  To make it even more interesting those cousins and the second cousins and sometimes even the third and fourth cousins keep in touch.  But how can that be managed? Last Saturday night I was at a wedding party and was talking to one of my husband’s cousins.  We were able to quickly move from greeting one another to real conversation, avoiding politics when we realized we didn’t agree.  But we didn’t need small talk to get reacquainted or dwell on what was new.  I already knew one of her sons just got married, the other recently started business school, and her daughter graduated from college this summer summa cum laude. I know that all from Facebook.  Even though I hadn’t seen this cousin in several years, it didn’t feel like that.  We’re regularly in touch because of social media.

Facebook is also an interesting forum for topical discussions.  I’m not going to touch politics.  In this climate and with the election on the near horizon, that’s too sensitive.  But what about all the issues that we discuss with our family and friends and chew on trying to figure out what is right and where we stand. I read a post on Facebook criticizing all day kindergarten and the fact that kindergarten programs have become so academic.  When I shared the post I got a deluge of responses on both sides of the argument.  Those responses and observations kept me thinking for days. 

Finally, there are those recipes.  If you are my friend on Facebook, you know I share recipes. I started sharing them because I couldn’t figure out a better way to have access to them later.  Then I found that people liked them as much as I did, like me, they were looking for healthy and delicious food.  I also like the videos.  I’m an amateur cook who has taken a few cooking classes. These cooking videos are, in my opinion, just as helpful in learning techniques. 

So yes, Facebook can be a time sponge and time waster, but I think the benefits of Facebook far outweigh its disadvantages.  To be able to connect with friends and loved ones no matter where they live, being the most positive of them.

Deborah Nolan is the author of SUDDENLY LILY and CONFLICT OF INTEREST, published by Montlake.  She is also the author of SECOND ACT FOR CARRIE ARMSTRONG, published by Desert Breeze Publishing.  Her latest romance, HELLO AGAIN, will be coming out in January, 2017 through Desert Breeze Publishing.  In addition to writing and cooking, Deborah paints, visits her children and travels to the weddings of her many nieces and nephews

Connections

                                                            CONNECTIONS

                       

Am I the only one who worries about losing people, afraid that with each life change or move, some important people, both friends and family, will drop off, never to be seen again?  In my experience, that seems to be what happens.

When my husband and I moved from Brooklyn to New Jersey with our first-born infant, we made many friends in our new community, but lost touch with almost everyone we’d known in the city.  That forty-minute drive and our changing circumstances put the kibosh on a number of relationships. 

It also happened with my brother when he left New York and moved to California. For years we hardly saw each other and were practically strangers.  It’s only now, 35 years later that we’re getting reacquainted.  We could probably thank a health scare and our children for that.

As we go through life, it seems inevitable that some of those that we were closest to at one stage will slowly drift away when we move on to the next.  I get that.  We change, they change and what we had in common no long exists.  But what I’m talking about are those close friends and family members, not acquaintances, who knew and cared about me and my family and me, them and theirs. I’m sure I would still have plenty in common with them if we were in touch again. I’ve changed, but I’m essentially still the same person.  I imagine they are too.

Instead, if it weren’t for Facebook, that much maligned, but blessed conduit for communication, I wouldn’t know where so many friends and family are living and what they’re up to.

I know for a fact that it’s possible to maintain old friendships.  I have observed that some people do manage to keep their oldest friends. I’m even friends with some of these people.  They are the ones who go on vacations with classmates from high school and college and somehow manage to stay in constant communication with them. But that’s not been my experience. Is it because these people have never moved?  Or is it that their lives have been more predictable than mine?

My Catholic guilt (yes, every religion and ethnic group has their own form of guilt) would say it’s my fault.  I should have kept up, called more often, made that extra effort.  In some cases, that’s true.  Anyone who knows me knows I hate the telephone.  But I also think these lost connections are the result of our fluid, modern society.  So few of us stay where we grew up.  So many of us change course midstream.  Maybe that’s one reason Facebook is so successful with my generation.  It’s an antidote to that fluid, modern society giving us a painless way to reconnect.

Deborah Nolan has three romances, SUDDENLY LILY, CONFLICT OF INTEREST and SECOND ACT FOR CARRIE ARMSTRONG. When she is not writing or enjoying New York City, she practices family law, representing children, in Columbia County, New York.

Facebook Is My Water Cooler

I discovered a long time ago that communicating with co-workers is therapeutic. On my day job, I work long 12 hour shifts in an ER. I've worked with the same staff for years. There is limited time for lunch breaks if we're lucky enough to have one, but we always find the time to rehash the happenings of our favorite TV shows or share our kids events.

Hospitals like everything else are a business and idle chatter is looked upon as non-productive. Most bosses fail to see what an Ontario study showed. 

"When you receive an enthusiastic or encouraging response from your co-workers, you will be happier with your job, and this will tend to lead you to act in ways that benefit the organization," she said. For example, you might go to some trouble to help out another co-worker, defend the company against criticism, or even volunteer for an event to build employee morale.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/career-advice/water-cooler-chats-can-raise-productivity/article1241154/

So where do I go for conversation when I'm home writing? The answer is fb. It's even better than a water cooler. I can scan past the conversations I have no interest in. I can obsess over Outlander, travel with friends and comment on talk show hosts who bash nursing.

I have to give credit to Holly Jacobs  http://www.hollyjacobs.com for coining this phrase. I once asked her how she found time to write and still post all her crafts and home projects. She told me "Facebook is my water cooler." It's what I think of every time I leave my Scrivener page and check out the latest comments and posts on fb.

MY FACEBOOK DREAM DATE

by Sierra Donovan
 

I had to email my husband (on his own computer, in the next room) with the bad news: it's over between us.

Don't judge me. You'll understand when you read this powerful, compelling message of seduction from a new, male Facebook friend.

Thanks so very much for accepting my friend request .actually, I was browsing through my profile when I came across your beautiful profile page, Anyway there was no way I could just flip pass your page when I saw how astonishing beautiful you look, I must say Your beauty beats the imagination of almost all men in their fantasy world Lol. .Well I'm here to make friends or something more, and I think you're cool with your profile .. I'm a widowed man with a lonely heart, I will like to get to know you more if you don't mind ..may the good lord bless you and your family hope to hear from you soon

All grammar and punctuation have been preserved to capture the message in its simple beauty. Finally, a man who “gets it.”

My husband, on the other hand, was disturbingly cavalier. His response to me, minutes later:

If he's a banker from Nigeria, GO FOR IT!

Surely now you know why I'd chuck it all for this last chance at true happiness.

In fact, my husband's flippant remark got my wheels turning. What if my new dream date IS a rich banker from Nigeria in disguise? For all his eloquence, his English is a bit flawed. Maybe this is a test. He wants to make sure I love him for who he is, not what he has, before he whips out his big bank book.

Of course, if I want to take him up on his offer, I'd better act quick. There's no telling how many other potential true loves he's already contacted -- or how many of them will leap to respond!

Identity Crisis - Facebook Style

Who are you anyhow? We’re all trying to figure out who we are - or so Facebook seems to believe. And they’re doing their best to help us answer the Big Question.

Almost every day there’s a new quiz, designed to help us puzzle out our identity. There’s usually an attractive graphic and a provocative question that begs to be answered. You click on the graphic and are taken to a page where you answer a series of queries that supposedly will tell you where you fit in the grand scheme of things. More often than not, I can’t resist. Here are some of my results:

What color is your mind?

Blue - I don’t remember exactly what this signifies, but I think it’s that I’m calm and reasonable. Am I? Depends on who you ask - and what day you ask them.

What US city should you live in?

San Diego - I’ve never been to San Diego, but I’ve heard great things about it, so that’s okay. I wonder, though, do they have many earthquakes in this part of California? If so, no thank you. I grew up in Missouri, in Tornado Alley, and that’s bad enough. I really don’t think I could handle a major earthquake.

What type of woman are you really?

The mother - I was hoping for something a bit more exciting, but no one can deny the importance of mothers. Of course, the quiz didn’t say if I’d make a good or a bad mother, so I’m not sure that this tells me anything. However, since I really am a mother and my kids turned out pretty good, I’ll count this a positive.

What will you be remembered for?

Your amazing empathy - Empathy is a great quality but, again, I was hoping for something more exciting.

What kind of imagination do you have?

Dreamer - Spot on. I am a dreamer, but isn’t everyone?

Which US president are you?

George Washington - From all accounts, I think he was a pretty good guy. No complaints about this. I have to tell you, though. I CAN tell a lie.

Who would you be in medieval times?

A damsel, unmarried and living near the King and Queen’s castle - I’d really rather be the Queen, but at least I’m not living in a hut in the middle of the deep, dark forest, surrounded by packs of wolves. I do like castles. There’s a castle-turned-museum in my town and ... forgive me for mentioning it ... I set a book there. 

Which Downton Abbey character are you?

Sybil Crawley - I have mixed feelings about this one. In case you’ve forgotten, Sybil is the sister who died in childbirth a couple of seasons ago. I really, really liked Sybil, but I’d rather be someone who lived.

Which classic novel are you?

Call of the Wild - Totally off base. I don’t know how they came up this. I didn’t even particularly like the book. By the way, I've nothing against wolves, even though, as I've already said, I don't want to be surrounded by them.

Who were you during the Renaissance?

William Shakespeare - Ah, yes. This one, I like - and I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

How about you? Do you ever succumb to those quizzes? If so, how close do they come to what you think you are?

One last thought (and probably the important question): How many words could I add to my WIP if I stayed off Facebook?