A Real-Life Romantic Hero, Part II

In my last blog, I looked at the differences between the washboard-abs, always-sexy men in the romances we love to read and the qualities in the men we want to live with in our everyday lives. The criteria I listed were: (1) He helps in the kitchen; (2) tends the baby; (3) advocates for you when you need it; (4) acknowledges your superior skills; and (5) listens. That's a darn good list!

Of course he may also have the washboard abs, the bedroom eyes, etc., etc., but when you're in your fourteenth hour of labor and the hospital personnel are largely ignoring you, the abilities to listen and advocate are likely to seem of greater value.

Since I made that first list, I've thought of five more qualities I appreciate in my own romantic hero that I often share with the heroic men I write.

1.  He is honest. Of course, that includes honesty in his vows to you, his one and only. It goes without saying (but let's say it anyway) that he is 100% faithful. But that's not all. While he'll take every deduction he's entitled to, Mr. Honorable doesn't cheat on his taxes, lie to his boss, or fudge a little in his statements. If you should ask him whether X dress makes you look fat, and it does, he may go for a tactful response such as, "It's not your best look, honey. I really prefer the red one," but he will not lie even to spare your feelings.

2.  He is open. It's part of his honesty. He says what he thinks and expresses what he feels. He doesn't sob at sunsets, but he is in touch with his emotions and, because he loves and trusts you, he is willing to hear your opinions and consider them openly.

3.  He has a sense of humor. He doesn't have to be talk-show-host funny (although that's a plus at times), but he's willing to look at the light side. When you hit that black ice and collide with a snowbank, he's the guy who says, "Wow. Lucky you avoided that elephant. We could have been in big trouble." He says it with a grin, then gets out to dig you out of the snowbank.

4.  He's independent and respects your independence. At the same time, he recognizes that two inter-dependent people can accomplish more--and have more fun at whatever they're doing--than two who are living parallel but separate lives. He likes being with you and wants emotional as well as physical intimacy.

5.  He is willing to fight fair. Let's face it. Couples that stay together and are passionate about one another still disagree, and sometimes they disagree passionately. One of the things my Hero and I did early in our marriage was to establish ground rules for handling those disagreements, the most important being (a) no name-calling and (b) stick to the issue; don't rewash the old dirty laundry. Sticking to those rules means we can eventually work things out even when we disagree strongly. For your Hero, as well as for you, maintaining a healthy relationship is more important than being "right."

There is more to a healthy relationship, and I'm sure you have your own important qualities you'd love to add to your personal list, but any man who comes equipped with these ten qualities is well on his way to being any woman's hero.

Susan Aylworth is the author of 13 published novels and has a part in three boxed sets, all 16 titles available now. Mother to seven, she is "gramma" to 24. She lives in northern California with her husband of 44 years and the two spoiled cats they serve, and she loves hearing from readers @SusanAylworth, at  www.susanaylworth.com, or susan.aylworth.author@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Pinterest and Instagram.

Reading for Pleasure

by Sandy Cody

People are always talking about the importance of encouraging children to read, how it broadens their horizons and improves their mind, how it will help them do well in school  and eventually improve their chances of finding a good job and making lots of money. There's nothing wrong with that. I certainly don't disagree with the logic involved, but, to me, it seems even more important to encourage them to read for the pleasures (yes, it does have to be plural) it will give them. That's really why I read - for the pleasures I derive from it.

 The most obvious is the joy of immersing myself in another world via the pages of a book, an experience as sensual as it is intellectual. Ideally, the house is quiet and I’m burrowed deep in my favorite chair with my feet up and a cozy quilt tucked around me. If there’s rain accompanied by a howling wind outside, so much the better. A hostile world outside my window generates a sense of isolation and pushes me deeper into another world–actually two other worlds.

My outer self luxuriates in the tactile sensation of the book in my hands as my eyes skim over a page covered by a series of funny little squiggles that, through the ages and the ingenuity of man, have been organized into something called writing. Each squiggle is a symbol that represents a sound. Grouped together, they form words. Combined with other words, they convey ideas, thoughts, emotions, knowledge and, in the best of times, wisdom. Surely, this is man’s most important invention. Compared to the written word, the wheel is trivial.

But my inner self takes this amazing accomplishment for granted. It is somewhere else entirely–maybe in the north of France with Emma Bovary, maybe in St. Mary Mead with Miss Marple or it may be in a graphic universe with a comic strip character. Even there, on the pages my brother and I used to call the funny papers, I find people who help me understand what it means to be human. They reassure me that I’m not alone in my frailty. I might be deep within the psyche of someone of a different gender, or with a different skin color. I can inhabit another continent–or another planet. I can live in another century–long past or far in the future. The possibilities are limitless.

In addition to the actual reading, there is the pleasure of shared ideas. There are literally thousands of groups who meet regularly to talk about books. I belong to two such groups, each completely different, both in personality and in our reading selections. Within each group, we read the same book, but when we come together to talk about it, our insights are different–sometimes subtly, sometimes radically. Each member brings a unique perspective to each book and in our discussions we talk about subjects that would never come up in an ordinary conversation. I come away from these discussions enriched. My horizons have expanded. I’ve been exposed to ideas that, were I denied the pleasure of reading and the companionship of my bookish friends, might never have occurred to me.

And yet, for all the practical advantages of reading, that’s not why I read. First and foremost, I read for pleasure–and cannot imagine my life without the joy it gives me.