by Janis Susan May/Janis Patterson
Mysteries are not strange and wonderful that happen mainly
in books. I run into them every day, and haven’t been able to solve most of
them.
For example, there is the Case of the Vanishing Apricots. I
love apricots, but only a small amount of fresh ones are available in the
stores, and for only a short time. And, unfortunately, usually for a
horrendously high price. Some canned ones – usually in heavy syrup, which I
don’t like – are available, but the kind I really liked – packed in plastic
jars in pure fruit juice – have disappeared from the shelves and I can’t order
any. Apricot pie filling, my favorite for years, vanished at least two decades
ago. Am I the only person left on the planet who prefers apricot pies to the
ubiquitous and usually tasteless apple?
Or consider the Case of the Absolute Impossibility of Opening
a Cardboard Package by pushing where it says ‘Press Here To Open’? I’ve found it’s
easier to start out with a screwdriver and a claw hammer. It’s just quicker.
And kinder to your fingernails.
Then there’s the Curse of the Magic Nail Polish. Every time
I go for a pedicure I try to pick the same color. I’m a sucker for red toe nails.
Can’t explain it, but just love them. My salon has probably half a wall of
varying shades of nail polish – everything from a brilliant blue to beige to
the darkish taupe one sees on the nails of decomposing corpses. There’s yellow
and merlot and several glittery shades. There’s even a red or two – but never
the same one twice. And the color I choose always changes from the bottle to my
toes. My last visit I swear I chose a brilliant pure red, I thought, but by the
time I got home it had morphed into an acid pink. Sigh. Pink’s nice too – and
easier than going back to the salon earlier than I have to!
For that matter, how can we search for some lost item for
hours, then finally decide to use/take/wear something else, then return to find
the thing we wanted to find originally in the middle of a big empty space where
we know we hunted several times before?
Lastly (for this list, at least) is the Mystery of the
Single TV Show. We all get caught in viewing patterns; either it’s a show we
really like, or the Spouse likes, and that pretty much kills watching anything
else in that time slot. Sometimes, however, something happens and we are able
to tune in to another program that looks interesting. Sometimes this even
happens twice – but it seems that when we can watch the other show, it’s always
the same episode. Every. Single. Time.
Sigh. Mysteries are so much easier to solve when I make them
up!
