Wednesday, March 19, 2014


The Hubster and I have been married 27+ years. Not the longest stretch for any couple I know, not the shortest. We've had good times and bad times, survived sickness and health, tragedy and sublime happiness. We work every day to build our Happily Ever After. It doesn't come naturally or easily. I often joke we've stuck together so long because we're both too stubborn to give up.

But, in reality, it's a lot more complicated than that. As anyone married a long time will tell you, wedded bliss takes a lot of hard work.

One of the things that we work hardest to maintain at all times is our respect for one another. This thought struck me recently when I saw a meme on Facebook about how romance fans who want "realism" in their romances should remember how their husbands fart and pull the covers over their wives' heads, shouting "Dutch oven!"

Umm...nope. Never. My husband wouldn't dream of doing something like that to me. Why? Because, in my eyes, that's not how a real man treats the woman he loves--even as a joke. Yes, we tease each other. We poke fun. But there are boundaries we established while dating and in the early years of our marriage that we still don't cross.   

In the thirty years we've been together, I've never asked him to hold my purse in public or made him buy me tampons; we still close the bathroom door against each other. Yes, he saw me give birth to our two children, but that doesn't mean he needs a constant daily view of my digestive system. There may come a time when one of us loses control of our faculties and the other will have to take over those more personal needs. And if that time comes, we'll be there. But in the meantime, as long as we haven't reached that fork-in-the-road yet, we'll honor certain lines we agreed, long ago, we wouldn't cross.

Am I saying if your husband plays the "Dutch oven" game with you, your marriage is doomed? Or if you put tampons on his shopping list, you're headed for divorce court? Of course not. Hubster and I set our expectations in motion a long time ago, and we care enough about each other to still respect those expectations. 

Respect. That's why he's still my hero, and I hope I'll always be his ideal heroine. 


  1. Excellent points! Every relationship takes work, from friendships to romantic partners. There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries and requiring respect. Far too many people see relationships as a reason to eliminate all the mystery about each other and really, what fun is that? ;) Great post!

  2. Thanks, Gina, for this morning reminder.

  3. How right you are! Amazing that as we get older, those little annoying things aren't so annoying any longer! Don and I have been married for 34 years and are going to renew next year for our 35th.

    Besides at my age, I don't want the work of breaking in someone new - LOL

  4. Oh - forgot - Great picture Gina! Brings back memories for me

  5. Love this, Gina. Can't think of a single thing to add. Here's wishing you and Hubster another 27 years.

  6. Enjoyed this, Gina. We are also married 27 years this year. I work for divorce lawyers, so I see way too many people who give up on their marriage.

  7. Going well, Gina! My Dh and I have been married for 36 years and together an extra 4. We still make each other laugh uncontrollably on occasion.

    My parents are still together after 66 years even though Mum is in care, and my brother and S-i-l are coming up to 41 years married. Couples stick together for the long haul in my family LOL