Wednesday, March 19, 2014
But, in reality, it's a lot more complicated than that. As anyone married a long time will tell you, wedded bliss takes a lot of hard work.
One of the things that we work hardest to maintain at all times is our respect for one another. This thought struck me recently when I saw a meme on Facebook about how romance fans who want "realism" in their romances should remember how their husbands fart and pull the covers over their wives' heads, shouting "Dutch oven!"
Umm...nope. Never. My husband wouldn't dream of doing something like that to me. Why? Because, in my eyes, that's not how a real man treats the woman he loves--even as a joke. Yes, we tease each other. We poke fun. But there are boundaries we established while dating and in the early years of our marriage that we still don't cross.
In the thirty years we've been together, I've never asked him to hold my purse in public or made him buy me tampons; we still close the bathroom door against each other. Yes, he saw me give birth to our two children, but that doesn't mean he needs a constant daily view of my digestive system. There may come a time when one of us loses control of our faculties and the other will have to take over those more personal needs. And if that time comes, we'll be there. But in the meantime, as long as we haven't reached that fork-in-the-road yet, we'll honor certain lines we agreed, long ago, we wouldn't cross.
Am I saying if your husband plays the "Dutch oven" game with you, your marriage is doomed? Or if you put tampons on his shopping list, you're headed for divorce court? Of course not. Hubster and I set our expectations in motion a long time ago, and we care enough about each other to still respect those expectations.
Respect. That's why he's still my hero, and I hope I'll always be his ideal heroine.
Gina Ardito is the award-winning international author of more
than twenty romances, a legendary singer in confined spaces (her car, the
shower, her office cubicle), and a killer of houseplants. She
hosts fun, informative workshops for writers around the country. In 2012, Gina
was named a Woman of Outstanding Leadership by the International Women’s
Leadership Association, but to her friends, she’s still just a shenanigator. A
native of Long Island, New York, she lives with her husband, two children, a
bionic dog, and their two cat overlords. For more info on Gina and her books,
you can visit her website at ginaardito.com, follow Gina on Facebook