Save Your Marriage Using Romance Novels

by Victoria M. Johnson

I have been an avid reader of romance novels for years and years.  I suppose you could say that I'm addicted to happy endings.  I have my favorite authors and subgenres of course, but it's always a pleasure discovering new authors and new tips for keeping romance alive.

Tips?  What kind of tips, you ask.

Well, one day I began noticing that authors, through their characters in romance novels, were revealing great relationship tips.  You can also call them advice or guidelines for a happy life.  Actually, once I started looking for these gems, I found dozens.  So many, in fact, that I wrote a motivational nonfiction book to share and celebrate the wisdom found in romances.

Below are snippets from three chapters of that book, All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From Romance Novels. These small excerpts are examples of truths I found on finding and keeping romance alive and well.

If you don't treat your partner right, someone else will

There are three rules for writing a successful romance novel: Focus on the relationship. Focus on the relationship. Focus on the relationship. I think it’s a great motto for marriage, too. With all the deadbeats out there, a good man will be snatched up by another woman before you have time to change the sheets.  Good men truly are hard to find.  If you have a good one, don't take him for granted.  There are women out there who want to steal your man away from you. They are conniving and plotting at this moment.  We’ve seen it, read about it, maybe experienced it; we know that it happens.  So what can we do to protect our unsuspecting men from the clutches of these enticing predators? What do our heroines do?

They put their highest effort into what matters to them.  The heroine does not act half-heartedly in anything.  This includes interactions with the hero.  The hero and heroine are always in touch.  The developing relationship is meaningful to them.  Let your mate know how important your relationship is to you.  And consider another writing maxim: show, don’t tell.

Whining isn't attractive

Whining annihilates romantic interest faster than finding a mouse in your bed.  People don’t appreciate listening to a whiner. And why should they? Everyone has problems. Whining is unromantic, unheroic, and downright useless. You’ll never hear a heroine whine. She may protest or point out negatives, but her challenge gets results, inspires action. No matter the heavy load she carries, she perseveres. As for the hero, you’ll never hear a real man snivel.  He may argue or be bullheaded, of course.  His riled conduct gets his point across, persuades.  No matter how down on his luck the hero is, he maintains his dignity.  Whatever they have been through, the hero and heroine don’t feel sorry for themselves.  They do something to change their circumstances.

Never trust anything a woman who has her eye on your man tells you

Distrust is like lava pouring out of a volcano, as it destroys everything it encounters.  Reading about it is much better than living it.  Though, sometimes, in spite of how much we trust someone, the evidence does incriminate him.  How do we forestall evil forces from entering our lives? Here are suggestions derived from romance novel heroines.

First, look at the motives of the person who casually mentions unpleasant “facts” about your partner.  Ask yourself, what does she have to gain?  Why is she telling you this; is it to inform, hurt, or warn?  Second, ignore the messenger’s advice and follow your own instincts.  Third, look at the situation from all sides, particularly your mate’s.  Maybe the hussy exaggerated.  Fourth, talk to him, if warranted.

The book (originally published in hardcover, now only available as an ebook) has 29 chapters of intriguing observations.  Other chapters for living a fulfilling romantic life include: If you stand around waiting for a man, you'll be alone for a long time; Attitude makes all the difference; Communication is the key to a healthy relationship; and The secret to hot sex is trust.

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned FromRomance Novels is the perfect companion for romance novel loyalists.  In it you'll discover how to apply the wisdom of romance novels in your own life.  Whether you're happily single, very married, or looking for someone special, I think you'll learn something beneficial while being entertained.  I wish you all a romantic Valentine's Day and I truly hope you find your own happy ending. 

Victoria M. Johnson knew by the time she was ten that she wanted to be a writer.  She loves telling stories and she's happiest when creating new characters and new plots.  Avalon Books and Montlake Romance published Victoria's fiction debut, The Doctor’s Dilemma, (A 2012 Bookseller’s Best double finalist).  Her other fiction book is a collection of romance short stories titled, The Substitute Bride and a novella, Hot Hawaiian Christmas. She is also the writer and director of four short films and two micro documentaries.   Visit Victoria's website at http://VictoriaMJohnson.com for inspiration and tips and find her Amazon author page or connect with her on Pinterest and Twitter.

Reading Romance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

The usual saying goes a little differently: “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” or its opposing sentiment, “Familiarity breeds contempt” but writers are always on the lookout for a different way of seeing the everyday.

To make our work fresh and unique, we scour our brains for ways of saying what ultimately is the same truth — the truth that has been told by our predecessors from the first instance that one human spoke to another member of the cave-dwelling group about an experience they would all need to understand to survive.

In tales of romance, the element of survival may not seem quite as drastic as how to wrangle with a saber-tooth tiger or avoid eating those poisonous berries that look so delicious. But the human heart — technically a mere symbol of the miasma of emotions we cope with every day — can cause the most dire of consequences to arise from what some consider trivial events.

Falling in love, for many of us, is one of the moments in our lives that carries with it all the elements of human drama: comedic and tragic. Romantic love is not for the faint of heart nor is it in any way limited by circumstance. Each couple experiencing the wonder of finding the one-in-six-billion person who is their perfect match can testify to the miraculous phenomenon — that overwhelming elation of supreme good fortune. The ultimate “I can’t believe this has happened to me” moment.

Along with that elation comes the doubt — “This can’t be happening to me - I don’t deserve this - This can’t be love” — when you wish you’d never met this person.

Although Romance, as a genre, is often denigrated as “fluff,” “trivial,” “inconsequential,” most of this criticism comes from a misplaced sense of intellectual superiority. When I entered the Creative Writing Program at my university, I did so with the objective of writing “important” novels. I took classes in every aspect of writing the meaningful short story to the construction of the meaningful novel.

Try as I did, I wrote …“and they lived happily ever after.” The optimistic ending is in my nature, probably a result of my childhood spent in reading the classic fairy tales of world literature but more probably related to my “cup half full,” “walking on sunshine” point of view.

“Important” novels are those that drag the reader into a downward spiral of misery and hardship. “Frivolous” books lift readers up, provide “the air beneath their wings.”

I know which I’d rather write and read. Life is hard, why make it harder?  

The Up and Down of Valentines

     For readers and writers of romance, it’s one of the biggest days of the year. For people in happy, committed relationships, it’s a day to celebrate their union, and for hopeful lovers, a chance to woo the object of their affections. But for some among us, Valentine’s Day is best forgotten.

     One example is my friend, Faye, whose husband of nearly fifty years died exactly thirteen months ago today. There’s also my friend, George, who has dated and hoped to find someone for more than twenty years, but has never had a partner.  Around each of us, there are probably people who dread the approach of Valentine’s Day and sigh with relief when the calendar reaches February 15.

     For them, I propose an expansion of the holiday. Why should the day be only for lovers? Can’t it become a day for any and all whom we love?

     My husband began expanding his reach some years ago, including our daughter, Rebecca, as one of his valentines since her pre-teen years. When two daughters-in-law both lost their daddies, he added them to his list. Then two years ago, when my mother was widowed, he began sending her a small Valentine gift as well, usually the chocolate-covered strawberries she adores.

     I’ve been trying to learn from him. Last year, when asked to organize a Valentine’s Day celebration for our congregation, I invited everyone—married, single, even little children—and made it a time for all of us to come to know one another better. The dinner was successful and I've been asked to repeat it this year.

     I've floated this balloon once before via one of my favorite characters. Sarah, my heroine in Right Click, is dreading the coming celebration since the break-up of her engagement. To deal with her own loneliness, she proposes to relieve the loneliness of others, leading the third grade class she teaches in preparing care packages for soldiers deployed far from home.

     I’m not suggesting that we forget the significance of the one sweetheart with whom we share our lives. I want my husband to know he is still The One for me. But as we approach the day of hearts and flowers, I’m hoping we can expand our circles of caring, reaching out to others. After all, love does not always equal romance, and no one should look forward with dread to a day that is all about love.

Susan Aylworth is the author of 13 published novels and has part in three boxed sets, all 16 titles available now. Mother to seven, she is "gramma" to 23. She lives in northern California with Roger, her husband of 44 years, and the two spoiled cats they serve. She loves hearing from readers at  www.susanaylworth.com, @SusanAylworth or susan.aylworth.author@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Pinterest and Instagram.

Love Songs

There are some love songs that are so evocative and conger up such images that they are a story onto themselves.  I’m not talking about the tune that was playing the first time I slow danced with my crush in junior high, Elvis Presley’s “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You.” Nor Percy Sledge’s “When A Man Loves a Woman,” when I was in college dancing with a different boy.  Those songs can remind us of the one we danced with and kissed, but the song is only the trigger for the memory. 

What I’m talking about here are the songs that tell a love story that we all relate to.  Think of  Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight.” This is a song that tells a universal story.  One that even if you never experienced, you can imagine.  You know there’s no future with him, but you’re attracted to each other and “you’ve got tonight,” something could happen.  Maybe you’re on a vacation and meet this guy.  You might have gotten into something except that you don’t live anywhere near each other and you’re too new in the relationship to commit, but you do have tonight, so “why don’t you stay.” There’s a compelling story there that we all relate to.  It’s the reason the song stays in our head long after they’re over. 

Then there is “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore” sung by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond, the story of a love gone cold.  You can imagine the wife waiting for her husband to come home from work as she tries to muster up the courage to talk to him about their relationship.  She’s afraid of his response, the pain she will feel, but she knows she has to confront him no matter the outcome.

I have only skimmed the surface of the love songs that have touched me.  Besides songs by Bob Dylan, Restless Heart, Peabo Bryson and Dan Hill from the past, there is Pink’s “Just Give Me a Reason,” Sam Smith’s “Stay” and John Legend’s “All of Me” to remind us that love songs are still strong and capable of touching us.

Great love songs raise the bar on romance novels.  I want my books to have that same impact.  I want readers to be thinking about my characters, believing in them and imagining their lives together long after they’ve finished the book.  Great romances do that.  It’s the reason that “Pride and Prejudice” is such a universal classic.  It also happens in more contemporary romances.  Think of Marian Keyes’ “Anybody Out There.” I listened to it on a CD in the car.  When I realized what had happened to the hero, I had to turn it off so I could mourn.  In Jane Green’s romance “The Beach House,” another book I listened to in the car, I worried about the characters between car trips until all their problems were resolved.  And then I missed them.  In these romances the authors created such compelling characters that we believe in their stories long after they are over.   

As a romance writer that’s my goal, to make my hero and heroine and their love so compelling that we believe in them and worry and think about them even when the story is done.  I hope that I succeed.

Deborah Nolan is the author of Suddenly Lily and Conflict of Interest published by Montlake Publishing and Second Act for Carrie Armstrong published by Desert Breeze Press which will soon be available in hardcopy through Amazon.