Valentine's Day - A Few Random Thoughts

by Sandy Cody

First and most important, Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope all of you are fortunate enough to spend the day with someone you love. It doesn’t have to be a sweetheart. Most of us love a lot of people and we love them in a lot of different ways. However, tradition has made Valentine’s Day all about romantic love - the happily-ever-after kind of love we dream about when we’re young - and, truth be told, probably never stop dreaming about. And, somehow, a heart that looks nothing like our actual heart has become the symbol of love.

To celebrate, even the most practical among us send sentimental cards to someone special and hope to receive a token that assures us that our love is returned. Maybe red roses or chocolates will go along with that card. (By the way, I have it on good authority that Valentine chocolate contains no calories.) You and your someone special may go out for a romantic, candle-lit dinner at a restaurant you usually consider beyond your budget. It's a day when the usual rules don't apply.

As near as I can tell, these customs began sometime in the Middle Ages in England and may be linked to the fertility rites that took place in that restless season when winter is ending and spring beginning. Makes sense. Whatever the reason, love truly does seem to fill the air at that time of year. If you’re not in love when spring hits, you want to be.

Is it really true that all you need is love? Your answer to that may depend on your age. If you’re very young ... say 15 (that’s how old I was when I fell in love the first time) ... you’ll probably answer “yes” without hesitation. If you’re a little older, you’re likely to hesitate. A whole list of “needs” may occur to you. Most of us need a little something in addition to love - but not much. Our fifteen-year-old selves were not too far off the mark. If we have love, we may need something more - but not much.

A personal note about my all-time favorite Valentine: I've been married fifty-plus years, and have received close to that many Valentines (yes, he did forget a couple of times), but the one I treasure most came when we were well into those years. It said "Happy Valentine's Day to my best friend". It may not seem romantic to everyone, but it touched my heart.

So, again, Happy Valentine’s Day. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Cry over your mushy card. Smell your roses. Enjoy your calorie-free chocolates. Savor this day set aside just for love.

The Perfect Valentine's Gift

My husband and I have been married for forty-seven years.  I had to do the mental math to figure out that number because it's hard to believe I've lived that long with the same person. I won't say it's always been easy or a bed of roses, but we've worked at it and refused to give up on it when times got tough. And there have been some serious rough patches. We've worked out compromises, learned to live with each other's flaws, and continue to love each other despite differences of opinion on lots of issues.

Thinking back over the years, the way we've celebrated Valentine's Day is a reflection of the progression of our marriage.

The first few years, when we were childless, he was in grad school, and I was working, we would generally go out for a nice dinner at some upscale place. The kind where you had to make Valentine's Day reservations three months in advance.

Then kids came along. I stopped working for a while to raise them (and also to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life - but that's a difference post for a different time), he had a bottom-rung job, and we were too poor to do anything but exchange cards - sometimes with a bit of chocolate or a bottle of inexpensive wine attached.

The kids grew up, went off to college, our job situations improved, and the cards got fancier, the chocolate more elaborate, and often were accompanied by flowers or some other nice gift. We even went back to the nice dinners out.

Now my husband is retired and I've cut back work to part-time. He has discovered a love for cooking and prefers to create his own special meals for us, so we don't go out as much.

A few years ago he came up with the perfect Valentine's Day gift for me.

Diamonds.

Baseball diamonds, to be exact.

One of the things that has united us for all these years is that we're both sports fans. We met while we were both undergraduates at Duke and many of our early dates involved sporting events there. I have some great memories of those times. (And one not-so-great memory, but that's a post for another time.) We've continued to enjoy a shared love for Duke sports, pro football (WhooHoo, Patriots!), college basketball, and baseball.

We've managed to get to a few major league games in Atlanta and Washington, which are both within driving distance, though it's a pretty long drive. But that's expensive and time-consuming and the seats aren't always great.

More often we go to minor league games right here in our home town. The city built a classy new baseball stadium a few years ago that is easy to get to, charges very reasonable prices for seats, and has lots of food and drink options. Our team is a class-A affiliate of the Miami Marlins and a lot of their top talent has passed through here on the way to the majors. We've seen Marcel Ozuna, Christian Yelich, J.T. Realmuto and the late Jose Fernandez play. Giancarlo Stanton still holds the record for the longest home run ever hit out of our park, one of the 39 home runs he hit during his one season with our team. Being minor league match-ups they aren't always the prettiest games, but they're always fun.

So now my hubby gives me baseball diamonds for Valentine's Day, usually in the form of a package of tickets for various games during the season.  As the cliché goes, it's a gift that keeps on giving. I love it!  And I love him for thinking to do it.

Save Your Marriage Using Romance Novels

by Victoria M. Johnson

I have been an avid reader of romance novels for years and years.  I suppose you could say that I'm addicted to happy endings.  I have my favorite authors and subgenres of course, but it's always a pleasure discovering new authors and new tips for keeping romance alive.

Tips?  What kind of tips, you ask.

Well, one day I began noticing that authors, through their characters in romance novels, were revealing great relationship tips.  You can also call them advice or guidelines for a happy life.  Actually, once I started looking for these gems, I found dozens.  So many, in fact, that I wrote a motivational nonfiction book to share and celebrate the wisdom found in romances.

Below are snippets from three chapters of that book, All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From Romance Novels. These small excerpts are examples of truths I found on finding and keeping romance alive and well.

If you don't treat your partner right, someone else will

There are three rules for writing a successful romance novel: Focus on the relationship. Focus on the relationship. Focus on the relationship. I think it’s a great motto for marriage, too. With all the deadbeats out there, a good man will be snatched up by another woman before you have time to change the sheets.  Good men truly are hard to find.  If you have a good one, don't take him for granted.  There are women out there who want to steal your man away from you. They are conniving and plotting at this moment.  We’ve seen it, read about it, maybe experienced it; we know that it happens.  So what can we do to protect our unsuspecting men from the clutches of these enticing predators? What do our heroines do?

They put their highest effort into what matters to them.  The heroine does not act half-heartedly in anything.  This includes interactions with the hero.  The hero and heroine are always in touch.  The developing relationship is meaningful to them.  Let your mate know how important your relationship is to you.  And consider another writing maxim: show, don’t tell.

Whining isn't attractive

Whining annihilates romantic interest faster than finding a mouse in your bed.  People don’t appreciate listening to a whiner. And why should they? Everyone has problems. Whining is unromantic, unheroic, and downright useless. You’ll never hear a heroine whine. She may protest or point out negatives, but her challenge gets results, inspires action. No matter the heavy load she carries, she perseveres. As for the hero, you’ll never hear a real man snivel.  He may argue or be bullheaded, of course.  His riled conduct gets his point across, persuades.  No matter how down on his luck the hero is, he maintains his dignity.  Whatever they have been through, the hero and heroine don’t feel sorry for themselves.  They do something to change their circumstances.

Never trust anything a woman who has her eye on your man tells you

Distrust is like lava pouring out of a volcano, as it destroys everything it encounters.  Reading about it is much better than living it.  Though, sometimes, in spite of how much we trust someone, the evidence does incriminate him.  How do we forestall evil forces from entering our lives? Here are suggestions derived from romance novel heroines.

First, look at the motives of the person who casually mentions unpleasant “facts” about your partner.  Ask yourself, what does she have to gain?  Why is she telling you this; is it to inform, hurt, or warn?  Second, ignore the messenger’s advice and follow your own instincts.  Third, look at the situation from all sides, particularly your mate’s.  Maybe the hussy exaggerated.  Fourth, talk to him, if warranted.

The book (originally published in hardcover, now only available as an ebook) has 29 chapters of intriguing observations.  Other chapters for living a fulfilling romantic life include: If you stand around waiting for a man, you'll be alone for a long time; Attitude makes all the difference; Communication is the key to a healthy relationship; and The secret to hot sex is trust.

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned FromRomance Novels is the perfect companion for romance novel loyalists.  In it you'll discover how to apply the wisdom of romance novels in your own life.  Whether you're happily single, very married, or looking for someone special, I think you'll learn something beneficial while being entertained.  I wish you all a romantic Valentine's Day and I truly hope you find your own happy ending. 

Victoria M. Johnson knew by the time she was ten that she wanted to be a writer.  She loves telling stories and she's happiest when creating new characters and new plots.  Avalon Books and Montlake Romance published Victoria's fiction debut, The Doctor’s Dilemma, (A 2012 Bookseller’s Best double finalist).  Her other fiction book is a collection of romance short stories titled, The Substitute Bride and a novella, Hot Hawaiian Christmas. She is also the writer and director of four short films and two micro documentaries.   Visit Victoria's website at http://VictoriaMJohnson.com for inspiration and tips and find her Amazon author page or connect with her on Pinterest and Twitter.

I'll Marry You...Someday

     When asked to share the story of how my husband proposed, I always answer, “Repeatedly.”

     We were barely kids when we met, 17 and 18 and on the college campus for the first time, each of us scheduled to see the same academic adviser during orientation week. Our appointments were ten minutes apart and scheduled right after lunch. The adviser, perhaps for the only time in his life, was late in arriving and the rest is family history.

     Roger, now my husband of 44 years, made up his mind quickly. I was a bit tougher to persuade. Although I knew how much I cared about him, I was unsure of myself. Was I old enough to be thinking of marriage? I had barely begun dating. I was also unsure of us. Neither of us had ever lived away from home; what did we know about running a household?

     The first time he said, “Marry me,” I said, “Maybe someday” and that was my answer for most of a year. In October of our sophomore year when I said yes, it took a moment for the answer to register. Each of us had begun to believe in the other and in the possibility of “forming a more perfect union,” but we both found the prospect intimidating.

     We were married the following June when I was 19 and he was a month short of his twentieth birthday. His father had to sign a permission slip for us to get our license.

     Do I recommend teen marriage? Not on your life. We made it work and we’re happy with the outcome, but I won’t pretend it was easy. Determined to complete our education, we graduated on the same day. There’s a picture of the two of us in our caps and gowns, a toddler on his lap and a baby bump on mine.

     I eventually went on to earn a graduate degree. We both established careers while at the same time building our family. It worked. Still, when our eighteen-year-old high school senior eldest came to us with the announcement that he and his girlfriend were planning to marry the month after he graduated, we did our best to discourage them. We knew what an uphill battle they were facing. 
     We joke that we raised each other, but it isn't really a joke. Though there were rough times, our bond was real and our commitment solid. One day a few years ago, I was at lunch with girlfriends, both of whom were speaking of "my second husband" or "my third marriage." I told them I had also had three marriages but only one husband; we keep renewing our contract as our lives change.

     This July, our eldest and his bride will celebrate their Silver Anniversary two months after their eldest, at the age of twenty-three, is married to his own young sweetheart. It seems young marriages run in our family and, so far, they’re run very well.
     Maybe we've been lucky. Maybe we've been well tutored; Golden Weddings run in both our families. No, I wouldn't recommend young marriage, but for the right couples, they can be some of the sweetest of all. 

Susan Aylworth is the author of 13 published novels and has part in three boxed sets, all 16 titles available now. Mother to seven, she is "gramma" to 23. She lives in northern California with Roger, her husband of 44 years, and the two spoiled cats they serve. She loves hearing from readers at  www.susanaylworth.com, @SusanAylworth or susan.aylworth.author@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Pinterest and Instagram.

How I Met My Husband: Going That Extra Mile

by Jean C. Gordon

My husband and I met in a Western Civilization class the second semester of our freshman year at Genesee Community College.No bells or whistles or fireworks. But I can still picture our meet as if it were a few days ago, rather than 43 years ago. He and Laurie, a girl I worked on the student newspaper with, and I all sat in the middle back of the classroom that first day. We talked for a while after class and went our separate ways.

I, the quintessential good girl, honor student was drawn to his bad-boy look — long hair, beard, well-worn jeans and jeans jacket, not to mention he drove a Triumph 650 motorcycle. He was drawn to — well, I'll get to that later.

We met again a couple of days later when he turned up in my painting class, too. He was studying art. I needed an art class and thought a hands-on one would be more fun than Art History. Because the supplies we needed for class were so expensive, the art teacher suggested we students go in together on them. Mark struck up a conversation with me after class and asked where I lived. I told him, and he said we should share art supplies. He could pick them up that day after his classes and bring them over to my house since I lived "right on his way home."

It turned out his idea of "right on the way" was a little different than other people's. I lived with my parents 30 minutes south of the college, and he lived 20 minutes west of school. And I'm talking windy two-lane country roads. 

Who could resist a guy who was willing to go out of his way like that right right from the start?

As for what attracted him to me, he told me after we'd been going out a while that the first day we'd met, he'd decided he would ask either Laurie or me out. Why did he choose me? My scintillating conversation? My winning smile? No. Remember, he's a guy. He liked the way I looked walking out of the classroom better.

Ah! Weddings.

By

Sandra Wilkins

            The bride is blushing underneath her long filmy veil.  A bouquet of fragrant roses and baby’s breath tremors in her hands as she takes her father’s arm, and tentatively steps down the aisle to the romantic melody of Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus”.  Lovingly, she gazes at the confident, handsome groom as he awaits her arrival to be at her side forever…

            Ah!   Weddings.  They evoke thoughts of beauty for some and maybe angst for others—depending on your point of view.  Some young women go to extremes to have the “perfect” day.  Even to the extent of becoming a “bridezilla” and spending a fortune on that “hallowed” occasion.  Being the extremely practical person I am, I didn’t particularly want all that fuss and fluff when I got married twenty-something years ago.  In the age of big hair and shoulder pads I was going to be a rebel.    

            Simplicity was the key for me.  It began with the gown.  No fancy, frilly concoctions for me.  I wanted a restrained Edwardian style frock.  My mom helped me find a pattern and the creamy off-white material and then my great aunt Dorothy graciously made the dress for me.  I’ll treasure it always. 

            Next were the flowers.  Not one for expensive things, I opted for silk flowers and made the bouquet and boutonnieres myself.  The bouquet is still as pretty today.  My dad’s cousin played the wedding march, my aunt took the photographs, a neighbor made the elegant three-tiered wedding cake (with the topper from my parent’s cake) and my mom made the chocolate grooms cake. 

            It was a personal ceremony in our small church.  All of my grandparents and one great grandmother were still alive to witness the occasion.  The most special part for me was visiting with the friends and family who attended the modest reception.  Simplicity isn’t for everyone, so I’m curious—what kind of wedding did you have? 

     Sandra Wilkins is busy writing another series while home educating her two daughters.  Ada’s Heart, Rose’s Hope and Gwen’s Honor are her first three published wholesome historical romances.  Go to www.sandrawilkins.com to find out more about her and her books. 

  

True Romance - The Beginning of My Love Story

by Janis Susan May/Janis Patterson

Ah. Valentine’s Day – a day to celebrate love and romance. It’s been made a little cynical and commercial by the marketers of cards, candy, flowers and jewelry, but at heart it’s still a day to celebrate Romance with a capital R. By the way, am I the only one offended by the jewelry store commercials for all gift-giving seasons that imply if he gives you jewelry you should love him? I love jewelry and spend a lot of time wearing enough bling for a Christmas tree, but the idea that jewelry = love just doesn’t work for me.

Back to the subject. Romance. The (future) Husband and I had been dating about six weeks. He is a high-ranking military officer (now retired, thank goodness!) and an extremely reticent man. Reticent in that he doesn’t talk much at all or (then) didn’t believe in any public expression of affection, even to holding hands. When we crossed a street he would take my hand, then drop it like a hot potato once we were on the other side. (Thankfully that has all changed. Now we happily kiss in public, even while shopping for groceries.)

I had decided long ago that I wasn’t ever going to marry. I had been having too much fun being single, even to the extent of being engaged to three different men who lived on three different continents – all at the same time. Goodness, that was a fun year! Anyway, when The Husband-to-be and I started dating I was fifty and set in my ways. He was a number of years younger and had been divorced for twenty-some-odd years. Total rebachelorfication.

Anyway, it was Valentine’s Day and his gift to both of us was tickets to the Garth Brooks concert. You couldn’t buy specific seats – you bought admission and were assigned seats. The concert was in a local sports arena that held enough people to rival the population of a small European country, and it was packed – so totally sold out that Garth agreed to do another concert in the same venue and it sold out too. Our seats were up in the gods, about half a dozen rows from the roof. I had never been to a C&W concert before (my tastes are classical) and didn’t know any of the songs. It was a rude awakening. Garth would hit a chord, start to sing and after about three notes the audience would start screaming and yelling until the song was over, so you couldn’t hear anything. I had to listen to C&W on the radio for weeks afterward to hear what I had ‘heard’ at the concert.

Except for one song. When Garth sang the romantic ballad “If Tomorrow Never Comes – Will She Know How Much I Loved Her?” the audience was totally silent. All of us in the audience were standing – and most of us had been dancing in place to some of the livelier tunes – but in that huge arena you could almost hear a pin drop. Suddenly in the middle of the song The future Husband turned around, put his arms around me and gave me a passionate Technicolor MGM romantic-fade out kiss. (Remember, this is a man who didn’t even like to hold hands in public!) He didn’t quite bend me over backwards, but he might as well have. It was as romantic a kiss as I had ever had to then and for a moment – in our section, at least – we were getting as much attention as the show. About mid-way through this inspired osculation I decided that I wanted to marry this man.

Well, I would have married him the next day, but nothing is that easy. It took him three years to pop the question, but when he finally did get around to it, he did it with memorable panache – under a three-quarter moon in the beautiful English-style gardens of the Mena Hotel, a 5 star hostelry that started life as a khedive’s love nest/hunting lodge in Giza, across the street from the Pyramids. Yes, THOSE Pyramids.

I was a first time bride at 54, a move that many said was absolute insanity, that two strong-willed people used to living alone would tear each other apart. They were wrong. Ours is a blessed union, and he has never stopped doing romantic things. (I do for him, too, but that’s the subject of another blog.) Most of them are small, intimate things that matter only to us, but on occasion he goes over the top. For my birthday a couple of years ago he surprised me with a BMW X3 in my favorite blue. On our tenth wedding anniversary he took me to Paris (yes, THAT Paris) for a week. When he returned from his first deployment (an entire year!) to Iraq, he brought me a 23K gold, exquisitely carved bangle bracelet. No, jewelry does not equate love, but if you are already sure of the love, the jewelry is very nice.

True romance is the best, and it’s worth waiting for the right man. If we have any regrets, it’s that we didn’t meet twenty five years earlier, so that we could have had that many more years with each other. By the way, we do everything together. I go with him to his rocket and gem-and-mineral society meetings. He goes to my writers’ meetings (and a lot of conventions, too) with me. Life together is pleasure expanded exponentially. And that, my friends, is true romance.

The Up and Down of Valentines

     For readers and writers of romance, it’s one of the biggest days of the year. For people in happy, committed relationships, it’s a day to celebrate their union, and for hopeful lovers, a chance to woo the object of their affections. But for some among us, Valentine’s Day is best forgotten.

     One example is my friend, Faye, whose husband of nearly fifty years died exactly thirteen months ago today. There’s also my friend, George, who has dated and hoped to find someone for more than twenty years, but has never had a partner.  Around each of us, there are probably people who dread the approach of Valentine’s Day and sigh with relief when the calendar reaches February 15.

     For them, I propose an expansion of the holiday. Why should the day be only for lovers? Can’t it become a day for any and all whom we love?

     My husband began expanding his reach some years ago, including our daughter, Rebecca, as one of his valentines since her pre-teen years. When two daughters-in-law both lost their daddies, he added them to his list. Then two years ago, when my mother was widowed, he began sending her a small Valentine gift as well, usually the chocolate-covered strawberries she adores.

     I’ve been trying to learn from him. Last year, when asked to organize a Valentine’s Day celebration for our congregation, I invited everyone—married, single, even little children—and made it a time for all of us to come to know one another better. The dinner was successful and I've been asked to repeat it this year.

     I've floated this balloon once before via one of my favorite characters. Sarah, my heroine in Right Click, is dreading the coming celebration since the break-up of her engagement. To deal with her own loneliness, she proposes to relieve the loneliness of others, leading the third grade class she teaches in preparing care packages for soldiers deployed far from home.

     I’m not suggesting that we forget the significance of the one sweetheart with whom we share our lives. I want my husband to know he is still The One for me. But as we approach the day of hearts and flowers, I’m hoping we can expand our circles of caring, reaching out to others. After all, love does not always equal romance, and no one should look forward with dread to a day that is all about love.

Susan Aylworth is the author of 13 published novels and has part in three boxed sets, all 16 titles available now. Mother to seven, she is "gramma" to 23. She lives in northern California with Roger, her husband of 44 years, and the two spoiled cats they serve. She loves hearing from readers at  www.susanaylworth.com, @SusanAylworth or susan.aylworth.author@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Pinterest and Instagram.